This note by Jedda (and later gobino's post) made me want to share my experiences with friendships, but it took a while, because I was always shy to write about my feelings.

I was a cheerful, extroverted kid who made friends easily. But before I turned eight, my school was taken over by a church. It was never about spiritual life, but rather petty power and politics. The best teachers resigned instantly, and most of the parents took their kids to other schools. I was one of them.

I didn't lose all my friends. My best friend and I continued in the same class. But I lost at least six or eight friends whom I considered close. I was never able to feel a sense of belonging again. I felt like a worthless outsider in my new class, and felt the same way later in high school. I also lost the ability to form and nurture new friendships. Of course, I had a great friend in high school too, and I still treasure his friendship, even though we live half a world apart. The problem wasn't with the others. It was my poor self-esteem that isolated me.

During my university years, I hardly felt a sense of community around me. I was solely focused on getting my master's degree as quickly as possible. In hindsight, I see that I missed out on some valuable friendships, but at the time, I was blind to that.

Starting my career gave me back some of my long-lost sense of self-worth. It meant a lot, and, after a long time, I was making friends again. It didn't last long, unfortunately. I got together with my later first wife, who had strong opinions about whom I could keep in contact with. After the divorce, it took me some time for me to recover. Instead of being shy and restricting myself to small-talk, I became my original chatty, easygoing self again.

I also reflected a lot on my earlier life. I even went to therapy. I realized, that my level of satisfaction always correlated with one single thing: the quality of my friendships. On the other hand, I experienced the situation that Jedda wrote about. My cousin and I talked a lot about it.

Finding people sharing the same interests, values or hobbies wasn't easy. Fortunately, I worked for a large company, so gaming and board gaming and our passion for our work created some common ground with others.

Things were going well, until my girlfriend (now wife) and I decided to move abroad. It hasn't been easy to keep in touch with friends back home, especially since we're dealing with different problems in our lives.

Though I have made some new acquaintances since moving, but I still feel isolated. Not only because of the new place but also because of my beloved furry friend, my poodle, is getting older. He never had any separation anxiety when he was young, but now, he can't be left alone. I have a lot to thank him for, and I hope he stays with me for a long time. His friendship is also great gift of life.

The original version of this post is part of the Blaugust 2025 series on my blog along with:

• Jousting in video games
• Helsinki Biennial
• Data & Encryption
• Intro through traits
• Hospital visit
• Win 3.1 Nostalgia
• Poets of the Fall
• Project done!
• Video games that made me learn
• Blaugust